Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
