haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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