apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
