i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
17 year olds will be the death of me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
