I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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