Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
