Your mouth is God's brothel.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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