No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
