Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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