I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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