Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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