If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
