hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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