am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
