forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
