just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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