you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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