i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
