ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
