i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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