some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
