I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
