Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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