You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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