I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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