Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
