MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So squirting runs in the family.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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