I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
