Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
