Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
