He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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