Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
