He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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