his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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