Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
