I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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