Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
