could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
