i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
