I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
