ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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