im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
