This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
