we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
