He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
