Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
