i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so let's talk penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
