I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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