Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
