I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we should paint friendship bongs
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