Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
