you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
