were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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