No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
