shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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