imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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