i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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