I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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