I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
