Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
