As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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