someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
