dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
