How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
