I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
