I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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