Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.

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  (816): I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins. http://tfl.nu/76g5
  Replies (8) Good night (2877) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

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  (510): You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock... http://tfl.nu/jcau
  Replies (236) Good night (825) Bad night (3623) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

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  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4224) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6365) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.

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  (608): I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter. http://tfl.nu/xqss
  Replies (13) Good night (3484) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either

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  (281): Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either http://tfl.nu/fgrs
  Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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  (224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u
  Replies (8) Good night (3111) Bad night (611)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

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  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (415)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.

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  (519): I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes. http://tfl.nu/2r4g
  Replies (12) Good night (2142) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Slow dancing with the chandelier.

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  (828): Slow dancing with the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/w34r
  Replies (4) Good night (1011) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.

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  (781): You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe. http://tfl.nu/3tsh
  Replies (3) Good night (359) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.

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  (818): He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type. http://tfl.nu/n4gn
  Replies (4) Good night (1505) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We're using joints as your birthday candles

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  (734): We're using joints as your birthday candles http://tfl.nu/y3yt
  Replies (7) Good night (1750) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril

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  (931): Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril http://tfl.nu/vmx1
  Replies (9) Good night (202) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.

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  (317): Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed. http://tfl.nu/ma7i
  Replies (6) Good night (597) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt

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