if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
