so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How's work?
Spinning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
