She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just pee around me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
