Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
