sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
