i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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