I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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