My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
