Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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