I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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