I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
