he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
