If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
