Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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