i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Be still, my beating vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
