In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
