Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
