She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
